Help After Abortion...Recovery IS Possible!

So you've had an abortion. You thought you would be fine afterward. You thought you could simply pick up your life where you left off and everything would go back to normal. That's what you were told. That's what you believed.

But the reality of the situation is altogether different.

You have trouble going to sleep at night. When you do finally drift off, the nightmares begin. You wake with a scream or in a cold sweat. But the last thing you want is to go back to sleep....

Or perhaps you find yourself thinking about it during the day. The thoughts won't stop. You fill your day with busyness, noise, booze, drugs or food - anything to make the thoughts and feelings stop.... Feelings of emptiness; loneliness; grief; regret; anger; deep, unrelenting feelings of loss....

You find you shudder at the sound of the vacuum cleaner or the suction of the dentist's tools. It takes you back to that day, so you begin to avoid those things altogether.

You notice that you can't see children or teens or young adults without thinking, my baby would be about that age now, if....

You may struggle in your relationships with family or friends or romantic interests.... You fly off the handle for seemingly no reason. You are accused of being cold and distant or mistrusting or controlling. You sleep around or avoid sex completely, trying to fill the void; trying to keep from being hurt more. You angrily defend your right to feel those things, to act those ways; after all, you've been betrayed, wounded, violated.

You may not make the connection between these feelings and behaviors and your abortion experience. Or you may know where they come from, but you just can't seem to get over them.

You may feel that things will never change; that the nightmares will never go away; that you will never be free of the thoughts and physical responses or relationship issues. You may come to realize the drugs or alcohol or food you were using to medicate those wounds have now begun to control you. You may fear you will never be free.

But I have good news for you!

No matter how bad it is, no matter how difficult your circumstances, you can be free! You can heal. You can recover. You can experience joy again. You can know peace again.

I won't lie to you: the journey isn't an easy one. It is one of the hardest things you will ever go through and it will take a lot of courage to take the steps necessary to go through the healing process, but healing --- recovery is possible.

You don't have to go through this alone. Neither do you have to tell family or friends that you are going through abortion recovery. We are here to help you, to walk with you through the healing process. I know firsthand the pain and damage done because of abortion. I have felt the grief, regret, guilt and shame of having been involved in an abortion. I have experienced the pain but I am no longer shackled by that abortion event. I am free. You can be free too.

Wherever you are, whatever you're feeling, if you have been touched and wounded by an abortion - either your own or that of someone close to you - contact us. We know how abortion hurts and we are here to help.

You only have to take one step at a time. Pick up the phone or send the email. The first step is the hardest; once you conquer that, you are on your way to reclaiming your life.

Contact us today. Begin your healing process now. You will be so glad you did.

[If you don't live in the Northern Colorado area, call or email us anyway. We have a network of compassionate, experienced abortion recovery facilitators all across the U.S. and in some areas around the world.]

-----------
If you saw value in this article or in the ministry we are doing, please link to our web site! We need your help in spreading the word.
Thank you!

When Abortion Hurts

The title of this brief article suggests a couple of things: first, that abortion hurts; and second, that there may be times when it doesn't.

One of the things I've noticed over the past few years is how there seems to be such division in our world (what else is new?) over Post-Abortion Syndrome. The debate centers around the after-effects of abortion. The question, does abortion cause pain or doesn't it. The answer, I've found is "Yes."

For some people, the emotional wound occurs as early as the moment the abortion decision is made or as late as forty years (or more) after the fact. So for the woman (or man) that begins suffering with the effects of abortion (or lost fatherhood) right away, their pain is acute; it is real; it is life altering. But for many people, the first thing they feel is relief. They are relieved the experience is over. They believe they can pick up with their lives where they left off before the pregnancy, and they begin to act upon that assumption. This period of relief can last from a few minutes to forty years or more. Some people seem to never revisit the time of their abortion. Some successfully and completely block it from their minds and have no recollection of it at all.

So shall we shame those that experience relief? Shall we condemn those that never suffer? No! We cannot tell them they "should" experience pain or symptoms of having lived through a trauma any more than we would tell someone that is suffering that their pain is imaginary.

It is my humble opinion that we need to abandon this debate altogether. Feelings are feelings. They are neither right nor wrong. They simply are. And wherever you are in dealing (or not dealing) with your abortion, is okay. If and when the time is right to revisit that experience you will know. You may resist going back there, but, if you're willing to be honest with yourself, you will know deep down the only way to heal from this kind of emotional wound is to cauterize it; to dig out the poison and infection that has festered, cleanse the wound with a purifying wash, apply some healing balm, and have the wound properly dressed. (We have a term for that. It's called abortion recovery.)

Whatever you call it, be honest with yourself in the assessment of your abortion experience and the after-effects of it. If you or someone you know is struggling with a past abortion experience, contact us. We have lived through the life changing affects of an abortion decision. We know that for many people, it is an extremely painful event that doesn't go away with the simple passing of time, and we are here to help. You don't have to go through this alone.

[If you don't live in the Northern Colorado area, call or email us anyway. We have a network of compassionate, experienced abortion recovery facilitators all across the U.S. and in some areas around the world.]

-----------------
If you saw value in this article or in the ministry we are doing, please link to our web site! We need your help in spreading the word.

Thank you!

Is There Such a Thing as Post-Abortion Syndrome?

It's a never-ending topic of discussion. Some say uh-uh, no way. They say abortion was the right choice for them and a preferable choice for their child. (We can discuss some of the things behind these ongoing belief systems another time...) Countless others, however, will attest to the insurmountable emotional difficulties, the relentless grief, regret and feelings of loss and guilt. They readily admit their lives have been forever changed -- and not for the better -- all because of that single "choice."

An interesting article surfaced on the web recently and I thought it was worthy of passing on to you. It's long, but significant, and well worth the read. It's located at ResearchingHealth.com. Take a look for yourself. It will certainly provide some food for thought.

Blessings in Christ,
Mary

South Carolina Ride 4 Life - Day 1!

Today as we completed the first day of the SC Ride 4 Life I was reminded of Genesis 18:2-5 - One day about noon, as Abraham was sitting at the entrance to his tent, he suddenly noticed three men standing nearby. He got up and ran to meet them, welcoming them by bowing low to the ground. "My lord," he said, "if it pleases you, stop here for a while. Rest in the shade of this tree while my servants get some water to wash your feet. Let me prepare some food to refresh you. Please stay awhile before continuing on your journey."

The cyclists, the support team, the donors, the volunteers and the prayer partners are so privileged to continue on this journey of reaching out to men and women with the love of Jesus.

All 43 riders made it through today without major injuries, and without quitting or complaining. Today was a beautiful success and I look forward the next two days.

Please pray for our continued safety as we continue on in this ride over the next two days.

More details to follow...!

From Anita Dost

Innocent Bystanders...

When the Decision to Abort Was Not Their Choice

We have talked a lot over the past few years about how abortion doesn't just hurt the mother. We know now that abortion hurts the father as well as everyone in the family, close friends, and those involved in carrying out the abortion at clinics and hospitals. While the mother's pain is unique and set apart from the wounds others around her experience, those others are no less significant.

What we haven't talked about is how those others are affected. As I've examined their stories, I've realized how widely varied the responses to abortion can be, even for those close to the abortive parents. For example, having been an accomplice, I experienced some of the same symptoms of post-abortion syndrome as a post-abortive mother. As a result, I have a great deal of compassion toward those that have made the choice to abort. However, those that were close to the mother (or those that became doctors and nurses to save lives) but were not allowed to be involved in the decision-making process often feel some very different emotions.

One gentleman we encountered recently was very bitter toward the post-abortive. You see, he had lost both a grandchild and a great-grandchild to abortion. He was powerless to prevent his daughter and granddaughter from going through with their abortions. And in the wake of the grief over those losses, his pain had turned to bitterness and contempt. There was no compassion in his voice as he expressed his outrage that they had committed what to him was an unthinkable crime. In his mind, not only had they committed a crime, but they had "gotten off Scott-free."

Another gentleman, a pastor I met a few years ago was in seminary when a fellow student and his wife found themselves facing an unexpected and ill-timed pregnancy just as he was preparing to begin working in the ministry. As desperately as this pastor tried to dissuade his friend from choosing abortion his arguments fell on deaf ears. This couple was afraid they wouldn't be able to follow God's call in the ministry with the added expenses of another child to feed and care for, so in essence they aborted their child for the sake of the ministry.

As I listened to this pastor retell his story, I was taken aback by his lack of compassion toward the post-abortive. Now, however, I understand more clearly where he was coming from. He was affected by that abortion, but not in a way that made him compassionate toward them. Instead of softening his heart toward the plight of the post-abortive, his heart was hardened, and understandably so.

If I had the opportunity to speak with this particular pastor again I would ask him if he knows where this couple is.... Are they still in the ministry? (I would be shocked if they were.) Are they even still married? (Again, upwards of 80% of married couples divorce following an abortion.) I would pray for words of wisdom from God to shed light on the incredibly deep wounds the post-abortive experience; illuminating how it affects every area of their life; how it holds them captive in a prison of unimaginable guilt, regret, and shame.... And I would pray that God would soften his heart toward them.

But my point in all this rambling is that we in this area of ministry are going to encounter all kinds of people affected in all kinds of ways by abortion. When we meet someone that is hardened toward the post-abortive we need to probe that person to discover why it is they feel as they do -- not in order to scold them for not being compassionate, but so that we can tend to their wounds as well. Anytime we carry feelings of unforgiveness or bitterness toward others it is evidence of a wound. Ours is not to pick and choose to whom we would offer to be Christ's hands and feet and heart. These people deserve the same lovingkindness, compassion, and understanding we are so quick to offer to those to whom the choice belonged.

"Sharing the Secret" - Coming Soon!

I've promised to post a new series on sharing the secret with those close to you. While we are working on that series, I would like to offer just a few things to consider before sharing the secret....

First, and most importantly, you need to go through the healing process before you attempt to share the secret with those close to you. The one person I would recommend you share it with prior to healing is someone that is trained and experienced in abortion recovery.

Second, pray before you share the secret with those close to you. Ask God to examine your heart and your motives and be willing to share if you believe He is leading you to do so. Also, pray that He will likewise prepare their hearts to receive that information. [When I say "pray" here, what I mean is fervent, heartfelt, sincere prayer over a period of time.... This is not something to be rushed, but should be done only in God's timing and through the enabling of the Holy Spirit.]

Finally, examine your motives for sharing. If you have any agenda other than a conviction that it is God's will to be used for His purposes, I would recommend you wait before telling the secret.

I will share more indepth insights on this topic in the coming weeks. Stay tuned!

In the meantime, if you have any specific questions about sharing the secret, please feel free to post them here or email us at staff@inourmidst.com.

Why Tell the Secret? Part V: Conclusion

Following is the fifth and final installment of the "Why Tell the Secret" series.

Why Tell the Secret? Part IV

Following is the fourth in our five-part series on why it is important to tell the secret of your past abortion. For parts I through III see previous posts.

Why Tell the Secret? Part III

Following is Part III of our "Why Tell the Secret?" series. For Parts I and II, see previous entries on November 1st and 2nd.

Why Tell the Secret? Part II

Following is Part II in our series "Why Tell the Secret." See yesterday's post for Part I.

Why Tell the Secret? Part I

I encountered a post-abortive woman recently that asked me that question. She had been through the “healing process” and wanted to know why it was important to tell her children of her abortion. I have thought about that question several times since that encounter. Is it enough just to be healed? Or are there valid reasons why we need to tell others? Over the next few days we will visit this topic as we examine why it is indeed important to tell the secret to certain significant people such as our spouse, our children, and others. (Of course there are other criteria that should be considered before telling the secret. Look for more on how and when to tell the secret in the coming weeks.)

Marital Problems and Abortion?

Many churches and parachurch organizations spend countless hours and resources trying to help people have biblically strong marriages by teaching them to improve communication and resolve conflicts, etc. But with all these seminars and marriage retreats the divorce rate among Christians continues to be just as high as it is for non-Christians. While most of these programs offer sound advice and practical applications, and are well worth the price of admission, I can't help but wonder if what we're missing isn't something along the lines of an unresolved abortion experience.

Two of the symptoms of post-abortion syndrome are (1) disruption in interpersonal relationships and (2) sexual disturbances. Many of the couples that experience sex and intimacy problems, intense anger, bitterness, or unforgiveness within their marriages can, with proper counsel, trace those symptoms back to an unresolved abortion experience.

If you regularly counsel couples struggling with sexual dysfunctions such as avoidance of sex or sexual addictions, or if there are obvious signs of intimacy issues or areas of intense anger or bitterness between them, ask if there is an abortion in their past, either together as a couple, or individually prior to marriage. These symptoms can be caused by other events of course, but many times abortion is the culprit. Either way, if they are coming to you for help the best thing you can do is ask them the tough questions that may help to reveal the root causes of their problems. Then, if either or both of them have experienced an abortion, compassionately walk with them through the healing process.

If you are interested in learning more about compassionate, Christ-centered abortion recovery, please contact us at staff@inourmidst.com.

An Unofficial, Unscientific Poll :)

David Reardon of Elliot Institute reports the following on his web site, AfterAbortion.org: "Women with a prior history of abortion are twice as likely to use alcohol, five times more likely to use illicit drugs, and ten times more likely to use marijuana during the first pregnancy they carry to term compared to other women delivering their first pregnancies, according to a study published in this month's issue of the American Journal of Obstetrics and Gynecology*."

Now this quote is really only referring to subsequent pregnancies, but we believe this statistic applies to many women who have survived an abortion, whether during a subsequent pregnancy or not. My question for you is this:

For those who have had an abortion in the past, how many have dealt with the following in relation to your abortion experience? (Please identify all areas that apply to you):

Memorials are Important

Today is Memorial Day in the U.S., a day set aside to remember those who have given their lives in service to our country in the name of freedom for all. More than just another paid holiday from work, this day reminds us of the continuing cost of our freedom, too often paid for by the blood of our soldiers and civil servants.

Memorial Day is important so we don't forget.

Memorials are also important in the world of post-abortion pain. For those who are new to this ministry, it is important to encourage those going through the healing process to memorialize their lost child/children. Just as funerals are important to the grief process when a loved one has died, so are memorials fundamental to the healing and grief process when a child was lost to abortion.

A memorial, in this instance, benefits the grieving parent in several ways:

Denial: A Complex Issue

Denial is one of those complex issues that sometimes brings with it a host of twists and turns as well as misconceptions and misunderstandings.

In our Basic Ministry Guidelines we (previously) stated the following:

Never try to force anyone out of denial. (That is for God to do in His timing. Pray He will bring that to pass in His perfect timing.)

The context in which that statement was written was that of the basics of any counseling or peer-counseling ministry. It speaks of the initial denial that prevents people from pursuing the healing process completely and honestly. It is my personal belief that the initial wall of denial must be breached by God in His timing alone. For me or any of us who are on the outside looking in, the denial may be glaring and it may be frustrating, but for us to break down that God-given protective wall before the appropriate time can wreak havoc on the life of the very individual we are seeking to help. (Of course, realize that God sometimes uses us in the process of breaking through denial, so our job is to constantly be sensitive to His leading in this area, never insisting on our own agenda or timetable!)

The very opposite is true, however, once the client has come to terms with the issue over which they had previously been in denial. Once God, in His perfect omniscience, brings the truth of the matter to their heart and mind, other forms or levels of denial may creep in. For example, some Christian women will insist that they have been healed in regard to their abortion experience after having accepted God's forgiveness. However, lingering feelings of shame that keep them from sharing their abortion experience with those who are not post-abortive, are evidence that denial has once again entered the picture.

United for Life, a pro-life site on the web, has the following to say on this topic:

"For some women, denial still exists even if they have been through post abortion counseling and think they have been 'healed' or are 'over it'. Sadly, this is not the case. This is particularly the case in many churches. They would say that they have been forgiven and now they have put it behind them. They are free to get on with their own lives and need not mention it again. BUT, if they are not telling others of the horror of [their abortion*], of the pain it subsequently caused them and those around them, and the need for abortion to stop so that other women do not go through what they have been through, then sadly, they are still in denial. They are still ashamed of their own actions. They are still seeking the approval of society that will not allow them to admit they did wrong. They are possibly even believing that what they did was right at the time and they had no other choice." [Emphasis mine]

This subsequent form or level of denial must be broken in order for complete healing to take place.

The truth of the matter is that God does not do such miraculous works of healing in our lives so that we can simply move on. The events that have wounded us so deeply, shaping who we are, are not merely tools He has fashioned for our benefit or so that we can then go and serve Him as though it never happened. They are not about us at all! The events God has allowed in our lives to shape and transform us, the things through which He has made the greatest impact upon our lives are things He has allowed for His purposes to be sources of encouragement and comfort for others in like situations, as noted in 2 Corinthians 1:3,4:

The core of the Christian life is being God's hands and feet and heart to the world around us. As our hearts are freed from the guilt, condemnation, and shame of our past sins, and as we experience complete healing and restoration through Jesus Christ, we will gratefully and enthusiastically long for Him to work through us in order to accomplish the same in the lives of others for the ultimate glory of our Heavenly Father.

Only when denial is broken can we achieve that level of healing and truly become all God created us to be...for His glory.

*[IOM rewording for sensitivity]