Denial: A Complex Issue

Denial is one of those complex issues that sometimes brings with it a host of twists and turns as well as misconceptions and misunderstandings.

In our Basic Ministry Guidelines we (previously) stated the following:

Never try to force anyone out of denial. (That is for God to do in His timing. Pray He will bring that to pass in His perfect timing.)

The context in which that statement was written was that of the basics of any counseling or peer-counseling ministry. It speaks of the initial denial that prevents people from pursuing the healing process completely and honestly. It is my personal belief that the initial wall of denial must be breached by God in His timing alone. For me or any of us who are on the outside looking in, the denial may be glaring and it may be frustrating, but for us to break down that God-given protective wall before the appropriate time can wreak havoc on the life of the very individual we are seeking to help. (Of course, realize that God sometimes uses us in the process of breaking through denial, so our job is to constantly be sensitive to His leading in this area, never insisting on our own agenda or timetable!)

The very opposite is true, however, once the client has come to terms with the issue over which they had previously been in denial. Once God, in His perfect omniscience, brings the truth of the matter to their heart and mind, other forms or levels of denial may creep in. For example, some Christian women will insist that they have been healed in regard to their abortion experience after having accepted God's forgiveness. However, lingering feelings of shame that keep them from sharing their abortion experience with those who are not post-abortive, are evidence that denial has once again entered the picture.

United for Life, a pro-life site on the web, has the following to say on this topic:

"For some women, denial still exists even if they have been through post abortion counseling and think they have been 'healed' or are 'over it'. Sadly, this is not the case. This is particularly the case in many churches. They would say that they have been forgiven and now they have put it behind them. They are free to get on with their own lives and need not mention it again. BUT, if they are not telling others of the horror of [their abortion*], of the pain it subsequently caused them and those around them, and the need for abortion to stop so that other women do not go through what they have been through, then sadly, they are still in denial. They are still ashamed of their own actions. They are still seeking the approval of society that will not allow them to admit they did wrong. They are possibly even believing that what they did was right at the time and they had no other choice." [Emphasis mine]

This subsequent form or level of denial must be broken in order for complete healing to take place.

The truth of the matter is that God does not do such miraculous works of healing in our lives so that we can simply move on. The events that have wounded us so deeply, shaping who we are, are not merely tools He has fashioned for our benefit or so that we can then go and serve Him as though it never happened. They are not about us at all! The events God has allowed in our lives to shape and transform us, the things through which He has made the greatest impact upon our lives are things He has allowed for His purposes to be sources of encouragement and comfort for others in like situations, as noted in 2 Corinthians 1:3,4:

The core of the Christian life is being God's hands and feet and heart to the world around us. As our hearts are freed from the guilt, condemnation, and shame of our past sins, and as we experience complete healing and restoration through Jesus Christ, we will gratefully and enthusiastically long for Him to work through us in order to accomplish the same in the lives of others for the ultimate glory of our Heavenly Father.

Only when denial is broken can we achieve that level of healing and truly become all God created us to be...for His glory.

*[IOM rewording for sensitivity]