Today is Memorial Day in the U.S., a day set aside to remember those who have given their lives in service to our country in the name of freedom for all. More than just another paid holiday from work, this day reminds us of the continuing cost of our freedom, too often paid for by the blood of our soldiers and civil servants.
Memorial Day is important so we don't forget.
Memorials are also important in the world of post-abortion pain. For those who are new to this ministry, it is important to encourage those going through the healing process to memorialize their lost child/children. Just as funerals are important to the grief process when a loved one has died, so are memorials fundamental to the healing and grief process when a child was lost to abortion.
A memorial, in this instance, benefits the grieving parent in several ways:
It validates their loss and allows them to grieve openly in the presence of others.
It offers them an opportunity to give dignity to their lost child.
It allows them to say a final farewell.
And it brings a sense of closure to this tragic event in their lives.
As with other types of loss, the grieving does not necessarily end with the memorial "service" (however that "service" is carried out), but it is another step in the healing process. Just as we should not neglect remembering our fallen heroes on Memorial Day, neither should we neglect to encourage those healing from a past abortion to memorialize their lost babies.
"Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted."
Matthew 5:4 [NASB]
In Isaiah chapters 58 and 61 we see two narratives on ministry to the captives, the oppressed, the afflicted and the brokenhearted. Chapter 58 focuses on genuine righteousness (as opposed to hypocritical religious activity) in the form of fasting -- in an out-of-the-ordinary way, I might add. When we do things God's way -- freeing the oppressed, feeding the hungry, clothing the naked, and ministering even to the needs of our family -- the scripture says our recovery will speedily spring forth! (A fascinating choice of words, I thought!) But it gets more fascinating still!
As you read on in the passage, there is a long list of benefits that would inspire even the faintest of hearts. But the part that really grabs my attention is verse 12:
"Those from among you will rebuild the ancient ruins;
You will raise up the age-old foundations;
And you will be called the repairer of the breach,
The restorer of the streets in which to dwell."
Chapter 61 repeats three of these four "R's" making their impact even greater.
Think about it. What has abortion done to our country, our families, our churches? But when those in our midst who have been hurt by abortion find healing in the love, grace and mercy of Jesus Christ, they become rebuilders of what has been ruined, raising up the very foundations of our faith in our Mighty God. As they share their testimonies and as they encourage others around them that have been similarly hurt, relationships are mended, breaches are repaired, and restoration takes place in numerous avenues.
When faced with the challenges of beginning or continuing a post-abortion recovery group in your church or community, remember that these four "R's" are what it's all about... Rebuilding. Raising up. Repairing. Restoring. All for the sake and the glory of our Awesome Savior!
There is only one Lawgiver and Judge, the One who is able to save and to destroy; but who are you who judge your neighbor?
James 4:12 NASB
Pardon my heavy-handedness...I do not mean to be so, but this is where my heart is today: heavy. You see it's all part of this disturbing trend within the Church; a trend where we put on smiling, joyful, or peaceful masks as we pull into the church parking lot. We go through the motions during the services, struggling to keep our mask in place for the duration, sometimes barely making it back to our car before it crumbles to pieces again. The hurts and hang-ups and habits that stress us out, bring us down, and threaten to destroy us remain buried deep in the recesses of our soul, shrouded in secrecy as far as our brothers and sisters in Christ are concerned. Forget that we have been called to bear one another's burdens. How can we when we don't even know they have burdens?
Perhaps the more important question is "Why don't we know...?" Why haven't they shared their burdens with us? Why haven't they shared that their marriage is on the brink of divorce because of an addiction to pornography, or that they can't live with the overwhelming guilt of a past abortion, or that they cannot bear the painful memories of having been sexually abused as children? I've given this a lot of thought over the years and I think I may have at least one answer: it's because of shame. Shame is normal in these situations though, right? Yes, indeed. But let's paint this picture in a different light, shall we?
Suppose the Church had the reputation for being the place for wounded people to go to find acceptance and wholeness -- as Jesus suggested in Luke 5:31: "It is not those who are well who need a physician, but those who are sick. Suppose the Church was the spiritual and emotional hospital He intended it to be, not the holy huddle of the we've-got-it-all-together crowd. What if instead the Church was the place for people to go when their lives became unmanageable?
That's what it started out as. But somehow, somewhere down the line it got all messed up and instead of being a place where broken people found healing, it became a place where broken people were judged or condemned or shamed for their brokenness. It became a place where those who found a measure of healing grabbed up stones to hurl at anyone that might dare to darken the door of their church if they so much as limped. Of course we don't do that anymore, for the most part. Most bible-believing churches today want the broken to come (on some level). The trouble is those that have found healing are too ashamed or fearful of sharing what that brokenness was. They're just so joyful at having been healed that they want to move on with their lives, and well, the fact that they found wholeness without having their sin exposed is all the better. No one need know, right? Besides, if people knew they might judge them or whisper about them behind their back. The result is that the voice of the one healed is silenced, and the incredible power of their testimony lies dormant like the talent the unfaithful servant buried in the ground. It is safe, and the servant knows exactly where his treasure is, but it isn't being multiplied for the master.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but wasn't Jesus surrounded by ex-lepers, ex-prostitutes, ex-beggars, and ex-tax collectors? And didn't the general population know all about what those people had been? The interesting thing is that the only ones that seemed to mind that Jesus ate with tax collectors and sinners were the Chief Priests and Pharisees. Somewhere down the line we let the Pharisees shame us for the very woundedness for which Christ died. We let them steal our voice and the incredible testimony of what our mighty God has done in our lives -- testimony that could enable others in similar circumstances to admit their own brokenness.
Isn't it time we took off our masks and let our brothers and sisters in Christ know what it was we've been healed of or need to be healed of? Isn't it time we put out the welcome mat to the broken and wounded so they too can find complete healing in Christ confident that we will accept them and walk beside them on their journey toward wholeness? It's only when we stop being ashamed of what Christ has healed us of that we can give hope for similar healing to others. (Or, one could ask, Are we really healed if we are still so ashamed we cannot tell others about it?)
As we take off our masks they will be free to remove theirs as well, and then they will no longer feel the need to hide their hurts. Because of our bold witness they will be able to find their own voice to tell us how they are hurting. Then, through the power of the Holy Spirit, we can begin to help them.
As neglected as women have been in the area of post-abortion ministry, men have been even more so. The fact is that men experience deep hurts following abortion as well. While their experiences and some of the ways they exhibit the effects of that emotional trauma may differ from that of women, their pain is no less significant and their healing is no less important.
That is why we are so excited to learn of this new ministry that seeks to facilitate healing through Jesus Christ for men who have been hurt by an abortion experience. Fatherhood Forever Foundation, Inc. under the leadership of Jason Baier is addressing these hurts and providing a Christ-centered bible study and support system to accomplish this goal.
Their mission statement is as follows:
The mission of Fatherhood Forever Foundation is to address the effects of abortion on men by validating and creating public awareness to the fact that men do suffer from post-abortion trauma, encourage and train more organizations and churches to get involved in abortion education, prevention and recovery, develope a professional network of post-abortion recovery resources for men, and most importantly help these “forgotten victims” find forgiveness, healing and hope through the grace of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.
Our hats are off to Fatherhood Forever Foundation and our prayers are with them as they minister to abortion-affected men!
 Post-abortion ministry can be a lonely and difficult calling, but Stacy Massey and Chris Jackman -- two dynamic women in the field of post-abortion recovery -- have developed a wonderful organization to unify those of us working in this much-needed ministry. Abortion Recovery International Network is working to bring us together as we serve our Lord and Savior for the sake of His people.
Their vision and goals are as follows:
V i s i o n
The vision of A.R.I.N. is to become and maintain a vital, growing world-wide collaboration of Biblically based, like minded abortion recovery organizations and/or individuals. Working together, we will strive to create and facilitate effective creative programs and resources for use in the field of abortion recovery. Partners will understand the necessity of being authentic, team minded and God directed. Together, by God’s grace, strength and direction we will then influence positive change in our world.
G o a l s
To provide encouragement through prayer, mentoring and spiritual support.
To provide education through training, exchange of ideas and resources.
To facilitate enlightenment by raising awareness through public speaking and creative presentations that address abortion’s aftermath and the hope of healing in Christ.
To provide the establishment of a network of abortion recovery programs around the world.
Our hats are off to A.R.I.N. for bringing this incredible networking device to fruition.
Denial is one of those complex issues that sometimes brings with it a host of twists and turns as well as misconceptions and misunderstandings.
In our Basic Ministry Guidelines we (previously) stated the following:
Never try to force anyone out of denial. (That is for God to do in His timing. Pray He will bring that to pass in His perfect timing.)
The context in which that statement was written was that of the basics of any counseling or peer-counseling ministry. It speaks of the initial denial that prevents people from pursuing the healing process completely and honestly. It is my personal belief that the initial wall of denial must be breached by God in His timing alone. For me or any of us who are on the outside looking in, the denial may be glaring and it may be frustrating, but for us to break down that God-given protective wall before the appropriate time can wreak havoc on the life of the very individual we are seeking to help. (Of course, realize that God sometimes uses us in the process of breaking through denial, so our job is to constantly be sensitive to His leading in this area, never insisting on our own agenda or timetable!)
The very opposite is true, however, once the client has come to terms with the issue over which they had previously been in denial. Once God, in His perfect omniscience, brings the truth of the matter to their heart and mind, other forms or levels of denial may creep in. For example, some Christian women will insist that they have been healed in regard to their abortion experience after having accepted God's forgiveness. However, lingering feelings of shame that keep them from sharing their abortion experience with those who are not post-abortive, are evidence that denial has once again entered the picture.
United for Life, a pro-life site on the web, has the following to say on this topic:
"For some women, denial still exists even if they have been through post abortion counseling and think they have been 'healed' or are 'over it'. Sadly, this is not the case. This is particularly the case in many churches. They would say that they have been forgiven and now they have put it behind them. They are free to get on with their own lives and need not mention it again. BUT, if they are not telling others of the horror of [their abortion*], of the pain it subsequently caused them and those around them, and the need for abortion to stop so that other women do not go through what they have been through, then sadly, they are still in denial. They are still ashamed of their own actions. They are still seeking the approval of society that will not allow them to admit they did wrong. They are possibly even believing that what they did was right at the time and they had no other choice." [Emphasis mine]
This subsequent form or level of denial must be broken in order for complete healing to take place.
The truth of the matter is that God does not do such miraculous works of healing in our lives so that we can simply move on. The events that have wounded us so deeply, shaping who we are, are not merely tools He has fashioned for our benefit or so that we can then go and serve Him as though it never happened. They are not about us at all! The events God has allowed in our lives to shape and transform us, the things through which He has made the greatest impact upon our lives are things He has allowed for His purposes to be sources of encouragement and comfort for others in like situations, as noted in 2 Corinthians 1:3,4:
Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction so that we will be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. [NASB]
The core of the Christian life is being God's hands and feet and heart to the world around us. As our hearts are freed from the guilt, condemnation, and shame of our past sins, and as we experience complete healing and restoration through Jesus Christ, we will gratefully and enthusiastically long for Him to work through us in order to accomplish the same in the lives of others for the ultimate glory of our Heavenly Father.
Only when denial is broken can we achieve that level of healing and truly become all God created us to be...for His glory.
*[IOM rewording for sensitivity]
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