By Mary Comm
I knew God had forgiven me for having the abortion but I believed the sadness and torment I felt would be with me always. - Stephanie
It is said that if wombs had windows abortion would not exist. I believe that if the hearts of those wounded by abortion had windows, there would be no condemnation toward them in the church. - Mary Comm
The church needs to establish itself as a safe place in which those that have been wounded by abortion may find love, acceptance, hope, and healing in Jesus Christ. What is it that makes a church safe for people to share their deepest hurts, especially when that hurt is a past abortion?
The very fact that most churches are silent on the issue of abortion, with the rare exception of a passing mention on Sanctity of Human Life Sunday, is evidence to the individuals within those congregations that it is not safe for them to share their pain. For them, the silence is a deafening indictment against them. Were it not so, abortion would not be such a taboo word. The fact that few pastors will even speak it - much less speak about it with compassion and mercy - is all they need to continue keeping the suffering and shame, silent.
The first step is to educate those that have never been touched by an abortion - the non- abortive. This is why it is crucial that the pastor of your church is fully informed on the truth about who has abortions, why they choose abortion, and how it affects them. It is the pastor's job to level the field on the issue of sin and to tell the truth about abortion to the entire congregation as a step toward generating compassion for those hurting people.
Those that have never been touched by an abortion cannot be expected to understand the torment suffered in the hearts of those that have. Yet that understanding is vital if we are to eliminate judgmentalism in the church toward them. Since most post-abortive people are unable to speak for themselves publicly, it is the responsibility of those that do understand to speak for them. The understanding and truth come first, then the privilege and responsibility is ours to speak on their behalf until such time as they are able to speak for themselves.
When church members believe erroneously that women choose abortion (a) because it is their legal and fundamental right to do so, (b) as a form of birth control, or (c) as a blatant act of selfishness, the result is often righteous anger and condemnation. However, when a truer picture is painted and people are able to see their motivations more clearly, and when the consequences of that choice are revealed, the result is understanding that leads to compassion.
Dr. David C. Reardon, well-known in pro-woman/pro-life circles is a biomedical ethicist and director of the Elliot Institute. Dr. Reardon has done many studies pertaining to the affects of abortion as well as statistics related to the post-abortion issue. In his book, The Jericho Plan: Breaking Down the Walls Which Prevent Post-Abortion Healing, Dr. Reardon offers a plea to pastors and ministers that are becoming aware of those that are suffering silently in their midst due to a past abortion:
We are calling upon you, our clergy, to give entire sermons on the need for understanding and compassion for those who have had abortions. This can be done without in any way condoning abortion. Using as examples the testimonies of women who have chosen abortion, congregations can be reminded of how, in times of great stress, people do even those things which they most abhor. With examples of women who have been literally dragged to unwanted abortions, and those who simply gave in under the weight of many pressures, people should be helped to see that women are not always fully culpable. This does not lessen the seriousness of abortion, but it does lessen our tendency to judge and blame. [Page 15, The Jericho Plan]
Jesus said in John 8:32, "you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free." The truth of who has abortions, why they have them, and how they are affected by them will free God's people to embrace this wounded population with the love of Christ. It will free us to be His hands and feet toward them with the intent of reconciling them to Christ and restoring them to useful service for the kingdom of God.
The second step in making the church a safe place for the post-abortive to share their pain is to speak directly to them of God's desire to forgive and restore them. Spelling out the character of God is key to helping them understand God's heart toward them. While God is a just and righteous God who hates sin, He is also the God who sent His Son to pay the price for our sins even while we were still sinners. Romans 5:8 clearly communicates this principle of God's character: But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. And 1 John 1:9 takes it a step further: If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. [Emphasis mine]
This verse specifies that there is no sin that God will not faithfully forgive when we agree with Him on the issue of our unrighteous deeds. Many post-abortive people feel their sin is too great for God to forgive. When they hear statements from the pulpit such as, "God loves you and forgives you no matter what your sin is..." their thought is, But you don't know what I've done. They need to hear - in clearly laid out terms - that God knows about their abortion and that His desire is to forgive them for the purpose of reconciling them to Himself. They need to hear that God sees their wounded heart and spirit and that His desire is to heal those broken places and to free them from the strongholds of shame and guilt. His desire is to give them the beauty of His grace and forgiveness in exchange for the ashes of their sin and shame. (Isaiah 61:3) Therein lies the hope they long for.
Speak God's passionate, lavish love over them. Use words that help them to see God's heart for them. Help them to understand that while He hates their sin, He loves them. As you do so, not only do you enable them to believe there is hope for them, but you also begin building a bridge of compassion uniting the non-abortive to those wounded by abortion. Offering healing words of God's love and forgiveness will set a tone of compassion within your church where condemnation once stood.
© Mary Comm for In Our Midst Ministries, Inc. 2006