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Dynamics of Abortion

How Codependency Relates to Abortion


By Mary Comm for In Our Midst Ministries, Inc.

Codependency is a difficult issue to define. Earnie Larsen, a codependency specialist defined it as "Those self-defeating, learned behaviors or character defects that result in a diminished capacity to participate in loving relationships." A simpler way of describing codependency is in how it is exhibited. Basically, codependency exhibits itself in various relationship behaviors such as caretaking, enabling the destructive behaviors of another, people-pleasing, keeping the peace at all costs or allowing another person's behavior to control your own actions or decisions.

It's not difficult to understand then, how codependency affects the decision of many women in an ill-timed pregnancy situation. Many men believe erroneously, after three decades of misinformation concerning abortion, that it is a minor procedure with little or no significant side-effects. When weighed against the long-term consequences of fatherhood, many men will coerce or pressure their girlfriend or wife into having an abortion. Women that have a healthy sense of self and a healthy view of relationships normally will not be swayed by these men. Codependent women, however, will most often go through with an abortion to please the father of the child or out of fear of losing her relationship with him.

A codependent woman may not even realize how much she wants the child she's carrying until after the abortion because her emotions are clouded by the fear of losing the relationship with the father of her baby. Of course by the time she realizes how she really feels, the abortion is over, the child is gone, and she is left with the emotional pain of that loss.

Codependency can be the result of many things, the most common of which are growing up in situations riddled with uncontrolled anger, fear, or any form of abuse. Children of alcoholics and the drug-addicted will often develop codependency traits, but any over-bearing, controlling person or ongoing situation can bring about codependency issues.

For further reading and study:

  • Codependent No More by Melody Beattie © 1992 by Hazelden Foundation
  • Beyond Codependency by Melody Beattie © 1989 by Hazelden Foundation
  • Boundaries by Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend © 1992 by Cloud and Townsend
  • Stop Walking on Eggshells by Paul T. Mason, M.S. and Randi Kreger © 1998 by T.Mason, M.S. and Randi Kreger
© Mary Comm 2006